The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
I'm bigger and better than the Titanic... only 200 women went down on the Titanic…
I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart…
Hey! Wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.
If I told you I had a 2-inch dick would you fuck me? (No) Good, because mine is 8 inches.
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button…
The word of the day is "legs." Let's say we head back to your place and spread the word.
So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK…
Hey I'm looking for a treasure, Can I look around your chest?
Do you like my belt buckle? (Any response is okay) It would look better against your forehead!
Do you want to see something swell?
Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come on you?
Are you gay? (No) Wow, me neither, let's have sex.
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
Let us let only latex stand between our love.
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
(Look down at your crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
(Hold up a screw) Wanna screw?
Smile! It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
If I washed my dick, would you suck it? (No) Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.
There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now. It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?" (No) "Oh wait, my watch is an hour fast!
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.
Do you believe in free love? (No) Then how much for a blowjob?
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts.
Hey baby, I'll fuck you so well, the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done.
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle...
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it...
You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar rise!
If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants...
You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20.
Do you live on a chicken farm? (No) You sure know how to raise cocks.
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
Seriously honey, sex is like Pizza. Even if it’s bad, it still pretty darn good...
That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
Do I know you from somewhere? Because I don't recognize you with your clothes on
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Your Daddy must have been a baker, cause you got the nicest set of buns I've ever seen.
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? )Pull your pockets inside out( Would you like to?
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tacs?
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? (No) What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.
Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) Because I can see myself in your pants.
Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? (No) Well, I don't, so let's go...
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? (No) Well then, allow me to introduce myself…
If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice?
That dress looks great on you... as a matter of fact, so would I…
I've got the ship; you've got the harbor... what say we tie up for the night?
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.
Baicarumba... are these real?
You've been a bad girl. Go to my room.
I miss my teddy bear. Would YOU sleep with me?
Do you want to make millions? Millions of babies!
Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!
I'm gonna have sex with you tonight, so you might as well be there.
Is that top felt? (No) Would you like it to be?
Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted?
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them?
(Excuse me; do you have the time?) "Yes, do you have the energy?”
Damn girl, you have more curves than a racetrack.
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?”
Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle.
(Use index finger to call a girl over and then say,) Sweet, I made you come with one finger...
Hi, wanna fuck? (No) Mind lying down while I do?
You got something on your chest: my eyes
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? (No) Wink.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
More naughty / dirty pick up lines will be added in the future, so don't forget to come and visit us again, ya hear!? ;-)
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